The Fear That Stops Us:
Lessons from the BJJ Mat

The Paralyzing Power of Fear

We all have fears that hold us back.

Whether it's the fear of failure, the fear of embarrassment, or even the fear of physical pain, these anxieties often paralyze us, stopping us from pursuing opportunities and challenges.

For many, the mere thought of encountering a negative outcome is enough to avoid taking action altogether.

This avoidance isn’t just limited to significant life decisions; it seeps into the smaller, everyday moments that accumulate over time, leading to missed growth, stunted progress, and lingering regret.

I experienced this firsthand, and in the most unexpected way, during a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (BJJ) session the other day.

The lesson I learned has forever altered my perception of fear.

Facing the Reality of Fear

Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu is a martial art that pushes you to your limits, physically and mentally.

It’s known as the “gentle art,” but make no mistake, it’s anything but gentle sometimes when you’re being choked, twisted, and contorted by someone skilled.

As a white belt practitioner, I’ve spent the last year on the mat, drilling techniques, sparring with partners, and refining my skills.

But yesterday’s session was different, and it taught me a lesson far beyond the mat.

​Professor Rodrigo Caporal, a world-class BJJ black belt visiting from Hong Kong, was teaching at our gym.

Professor Caporal is a true master of the art, a friendly, knowledgeable, and imposing figure on the mat.

His presence alone elevates the energy in the room, and you can feel his expertise in every move he makes.

During the session, my partner and I were working on an arm-triangle choke, a fundamental technique in BJJ.

For those unfamiliar, the arm-triangle choke involves isolating your opponent’s arm and neck to apply pressure, cutting off blood flow to the brain, and forcing a tap or causing unconsciousness.

It’s a powerful and effective move, but it requires precise positioning to execute correctly.

My partner struggled with getting his shoulder in the right position, which is crucial for completing the choke.

Professor Caporal, in his patient and methodical manner, demonstrated the technique multiple times on me so that my partner could see exactly what needed to be done.

As he applied the choke, I did what I always do when an expert is demonstrating a technique on me: I closed my eyes, tuned into my body, and tried to “feel” what was happening.

But something unexpected occurred.

Perhaps because my eyes were closed, I lost track of how tight the choke was getting.

In the past, when I was getting choked out, my vision would collapse as if I was in a tunnel and it was getting darker, or I was moving further away from the exit.

But my eyes were closed and...

The next thing I knew, I was opening my eyes, disoriented, wondering where I was, as if I had just woken up from a deep sleep.

In a sense, I had.

I had been choked out, blacking out briefly from the lack of blood flow to my brain.

For many, the thought of being choked out is terrifying.

The idea of losing consciousness, even momentarily, triggers a deep-seated fear that most people would rather avoid at all costs.

I’m no stranger to this fear.

Years ago, when I was training in Hapkido, one of my senior instructors told me that the only thing missing from my training was getting knocked out by a punch or kick while sparring.

He assured me it wouldn’t hurt as much as I feared and would help me overcome the fear of getting knocked out.

At the time, I cringed at the thought.

Who wouldn’t?

The fear of getting knocked out was real, and it was something I didn’t want to experience.

However, my training in Hapkido ended before I had the opportunity to get knocked out, leaving me with a nagging doubt—a fear that remained untested and unresolved.

The other day, I finally confronted a similar fear—the fear of being choked out and losing consciousness.

It was something that had always seemed frightening, almost nightmarish.

But when it happened, I realized it was no big deal.

I actually thought it was really cool.

There was no pain, no big issue; just one moment I was there and the next moment, I wasn't.

I woke up, shook it off, and continued with the session as if nothing had happened.

When I asked my coach afterward if there was anything I needed to be careful about after blacking out, he simply said I was fine.

That was it—no drama, no lasting effects, just a momentary lapse into darkness and then back to normal.

The Freedom Beyond Fear

This experience made me reflect on how much of our lives we spend avoiding things we fear, especially when the feared outcome is not nearly as catastrophic as we imagine.

The reality is that most of our fears are unfounded, exaggerated in our minds, and often hold us back more than any actual danger ever could.

In the world of martial arts, fear is a constant companion.

Whether it’s the fear of getting hit, the fear of getting submitted, or the fear of losing, these anxieties are always present.

But the beauty of martial arts lies in the fact that it forces you to confront these fears head-on.

There’s no running away on the mat; you either face your fears or you tap out.

And when you do face them, you often find that they weren’t as bad as you thought.

The same applies to life.

• How many opportunities have you passed up because you were afraid of failure?
• How many times have you held back because you were afraid of what others might think?
• How often have you avoided taking action because you feared the potential negative consequences?

The truth is, most of the things we fear never come to pass.

And even when they do, they’re rarely as terrible as we imagine.

The fear of getting choked out kept me from truly understanding the technique from a somatic perspective.

I had to experience it fully, including the blackout, to let go of that fear.

Imagine what you could achieve if you stopped letting fear dictate your actions.

What if you approached life the way we approach the mat in BJJ—by confronting challenges directly, without hesitation, knowing that even if things go wrong, you’ll be fine?

Here’s the lesson I took away from that blackout:

Life is full of chokes.

Some will be physical, others metaphorical.

But no matter how tight they seem, they’re rarely as dangerous as you think.

You might black out for a moment, but you’ll wake up and keep moving forward.

The worst part is often not the choke itself, but the fear leading up to it.

Practical Application:
Overcoming Everyday Fears

So, how can you apply this lesson to your own life? Here are a few steps:

1. Identify Your Fears: Take a moment to think about what fears are holding you back. Write them down. Acknowledge them.
2. Analyze the Worst-Case Scenario: Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that could happen?” Often, you’ll find that the worst-case scenario isn’t as bad as you thought.
3. Take Small Steps: You don’t have to confront your biggest fears all at once. Start small. Face a minor fear today. Gradually build up your tolerance and confidence.
4. Reflect on the Outcome: After facing a fear, take a moment to reflect. Did the worst-case scenario happen? If not, what did you learn? How did it feel to push through the fear?
5. Repeat: Fear doesn’t disappear overnight. It takes time and repeated exposure. Keep challenging yourself, and over time, you’ll find that your fears lose their power over you.

The Broader Implications:
A Martial Artist's Perspective

In martial arts, especially in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, you learn that progress comes through some discomfort.

Every time you step onto the mat, you’re stepping into a situation where you might get submitted, dominated, or even choked out.

But that’s where growth happens.

It’s in those moments of vulnerability, when you confront your fears, that you find out what you’re truly capable of.

Life is no different.

The most significant growth comes from facing your fears, stepping into uncomfortable situations, and pushing through to the other side.

Whether it’s starting a new job, taking on a challenging project, or even just having a difficult conversation, the same principles apply.

The fear is always worse than the reality.

This mindset shift can change everything.

Once you stop letting fear control you, you become unstoppable.

You start taking risks, trying new things, and pursuing opportunities you once avoided.

And with each step, your confidence grows.

You realize that you’re capable of far more than you ever imagined.

In Conclusion:
The Real Lesson

The blackout on the mat taught me something I’ll carry with me for the rest of my life.

Fear is a mirage, a mental construct that holds us back far more than any actual danger.

When we confront it head-on, we discover that it’s not as powerful as we once thought.

And on the other side of that fear is freedom—the freedom to live fully, without hesitation, and to achieve things we never thought possible.

So, the next time you find yourself paralyzed by fear, remember this: The fear might be tight, but it’s not unbreakable.

Face it, feel it, and push through.

On the other side, you’ll find a version of yourself that’s stronger, braver, and more resilient than ever before.