The Unexpected Ally:
Why Having Unconquerable Friends Makes You Stronger

Have you ever heard the saying, "Iron sharpens iron"?

It's an old proverb, but it holds a surprising truth, especially when it comes to living a courageous life.

We all know the value of good friends – the ones who have your back, celebrate your wins and pick you up when you fall.

But there's another kind of friend, a rarer breed, who challenges you in a way that can feel frustrating at times, even infuriating.

These are the friends you can't quite seem to beat, no matter how hard you try.

The ones who push you further, climb higher mountains, and land that promotion you were both eyeing.

My Immovable Object and Unstoppable Force Buddies in Hapkido

I often write about my times of triumph and success training under GM Bong Soo Han; getting a couple of black belts, teaching the kids' classes, and having fun training.

But, those wins had a cost.

For almost 15 years, two guys on the mat kicked my ass all the time.

I love those guys off the mat, but on the mat, they were rough.

So much so, after one particularly depressing tromping on a Saturday, I had a long journal session on Sunday.

"What the hell am I doing!?"

Week after week, getting my ass handed to me!

It was discouraging, no matter what I tried they would have a response that would nullify me.

But after my journalling session, I remembered something...

I wasn't there to "win," I was there to grow.

And there was one more thing.

I knew one of the guys I sparred with would get into fights on the street, he had a wild streak in him and he was young so he liked testing himself on the street.

He could, and did, easily go up against three guys at bars and drop them, he was big, strong, and very talented as a martial artist.

Was it any surprise that my 5'3" 120# frame would have problems?

But here's what I discovered.

Going up against him week after week, I wasn't afraid of anybody on the street.

Sure, I might get my ass kicked by someone on the street but I was used to that, lol.

If I could face the two guys in my school knowing the pain I was in for, I wasn't going to worry about some random guy, since most are bullies but not badasses.

Those two guys weren't my worst enemies, they were my best friends!

Here's the thing:

Having these "unconquerable" friends isn't about some toxic one-upmanship.

It's actually a secret weapon in your own journey to living courageously.

Here's why:

• They expose your comfort zone. We all have that cozy space where things are familiar and safe. It's comfortable, sure, but it's also where growth stagnates. Your unconquerable friend, by constantly reaching for more, forces you to confront that comfort zone. They make you question if "good enough" is truly good enough. They ignite that spark within you to push past your perceived limitations.
• They redefine what's possible. We often underestimate our own potential. But seeing your friend consistently shatter personal bests, land that dream job, or conquer a fear you share, subtly shifts your perception. It becomes a living testament to what's achievable. It whispers, "If they can do it, maybe I can too." This reframing of possibilities fuels your own courage to chase seemingly impossible goals.
• They create a healthy competition. Competition gets a bad rap sometimes, but when it's rooted in mutual respect and camaraderie, it becomes a powerful motivator. Your friend's successes aren't a source of envy; they're a challenge, a call to action. You see their achievements and think, "Alright, my turn to step up my game." This friendly competition pushes you to constantly improve, to learn new skills, and to strive for excellence in everything you do.
• They celebrate your (unique) victories. Here's the beauty of true friendship – even if you can't quite reach their level yet, your wins are still celebrated. Your unconquerable friend genuinely wants to see you succeed, even if it means surpassing them in a different way. They recognize that your strengths and passions may lie elsewhere, and they celebrate your victories on your own terms.
• They build resilience. Let's face it, constantly falling short can be disheartening. But here's the thing: the sting of "losing" to your friend also builds resilience. You learn to bounce back from setbacks, dust yourself off, and come back stronger. You develop a mental fortitude that allows you to face challenges head-on, knowing you have the grit to persevere.

Having these friends in your life isn't about being constantly defeated; it's about being constantly challenged.

They're the iron that sharpens your own, pushing you to become the best version of yourself.

They remind you that courage isn't about winning every battle; it's about having the heart to keep fighting, to keep striving for more, even when the odds seem stacked against you.

So, the next time you feel frustrated by your seemingly "unconquerable" friend, remember – they're not your rivals; they're your unexpected allies on your journey to a courageous life.

P.S. To be a badass leader, you have to challenge yourself against even badder-ass leaders.

"It's hard to fly like an eagle when surrounded by turkeys." isn't just a bumper sticker but a fact of life.

If you're looking to level up your life and haven't already taken my FREE 3-week course on personal leadership, you can get it here: Learn to Lead​

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It's the system I used to achieve the success I enjoy, and it'll help you to do the same, faster and further.